How to move a giant pumpkin

Step One:  Invite a group of dentists over to your house.  I know, you're thinking, dentists?  Really?  But they're stronger than they look.  This still isn't saying much, but when your choices are runners or dentists, it's kind of a draw. 

Step Two:  Ply them with food and home brew.  If your dog eats seven of the nine hamburgers that you've prepared (ahem, Bullet), be sure that you have backup food options.  Hot dogs, chicken, and homemade squash, potato and lima bean soup work well.

Step Three:  Casually bring up the existence of the pumpkin, and compliment them on their big, strong muscles.

Step Four:  Make sure there's an engineer in the group!  Did I forget that?  Because she ended up being the key player, and ensured that the very, very strong dentists didn't have to actually lift the pumpkin very much.

Step Five:  Load the pumpkin into a wheelbarrow/wagon/anything with wheels and move it to where you think you might want it.  Notice that the back of your pumpkin has a giant crack, and accept that if the pumpkin lasts through Halloween, you'll be lucky.  Chalk it all up to a learning year for pumpkin growing, and try harder to find that book about growing giant pumpkins that you bought, looked through once, and then lost.

Step Six:  Pretend you were just kidding when you say that you aren't exactly sure where the pumpkin should go, and you'd like to see it a few ways.  Even dentists have their limits.

Step Seven:  Ask for an estimate of the pumpkin's weight, and when you are disappointed with the paltry number (say, 160 pounds), double it.  I grew a 300 POUND PUMPKIN!*

Step Eight:  Try to take a group picture with the pumpkin.  This will turn out to be the most difficult part of the entire process, especially if your husband keeps blocking the pumpkin when he jumps into the shot.  If you have a toddler on hand to sit on the pumpkin, that will really help show how enormous the pumpkin is, and will also be adorable.

Step 10:  Enjoy your fabulous fall decorations.

*A gross exaggeration.  But I don't have a scale that I can weigh the pumpkin on, so I'm sticking with it.